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| "Welcome Banners" greeted arriving frosh at UMaine Orono this fall. Think more education is needed? |
It appears that just as the members of the Class of 2021
unload their mini fridges, desk lamps and extra long bed sheets into freshmen
dorms, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos will unleash the latest salvo in the
ongoing imbroglio about sexual assault on campus.
Specifically,
DeVos plans to revoke Obama-era guidelines and raise the burden of proof in
university administrative hearings on sexual misconduct from the “preponderance
of the evidence” standard to the more rigorous “more likely than not.” This
should surprise no one: DeVos is a major donor to a national group lobbying for
such change. And while it remains to be seen whether this swing of the pendulum
will better protect the due process rights of the accused (there’s no question
it will make it harder for victims to prove injury and easier for rapists to
elude punishment) here’s what it absolutely won’t do: prevent sexual assault.
That
would require … well, education. Conversation. Awkward conversation. Frank,
difficult, pull-no-punches conversation. Something a tad more sophisticated
than this-is-where-babies-come-from and slightly less clinical than this-is-how-you-use-a-condom.
Where we talk less about biology
and more about healthy relationships. Respect, for oneself and others. Honesty.
Communication. Love. In other words: all the antidotes to violence.
These
are conversations educators and parents have failed to provide and young adults
are hungry to have. For all the
hand-wringing about the epidemic of sexual assaults sweeping campuses, we have
done precious little to get out in front of the issue. According to a recent report
from Making Caring Common, from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, 70
percent of the 18-25 year olds surveyed wish they’d received more information
from their parents about the emotional aspects of a romantic relationship; 65
percent wish they could have discussed it in school.
“My
students can talk about love forever,” said one high school teacher from the
Harvard study who includes a section on romantic love in his English class. “They’re
much more present, thoughtful and available to themselves when they talk about
love.”
As
a young adult author, I’m well aware that love and sex and relationships are
where my readers live. And as a
visiting author in schools, I’ve been impressed not only by students’ energy
for engaging in honest conversation about sex and consent but also their
insights. I’ve listened to a 14-year old girl explain how the so-called “rape
culture” oppresses boys by making them feel like losers if they’re virgins.
I’ve had an entire row of boys in football jerseys assert that consent is not
possible if your partner has been drinking. I’ve watched boys and girls
successfully navigate a fraught discussion of “Who’s responsible?” if both
parties are drunk.
Yet
regardless of their desire and capacity for these important conversations, we adults
fail to find the space for them. Sex ed in our country is woefully inadequate:
fewer than half the states require it, and among those only 20 require that it
be “medically, factually or technically accurate.” Without a national
curriculum for sex ed, that portion of health class focuses on disaster
prevention: in other words, avoiding pregnancy and STDs. And to top it off, those
assigned to deliver these facts-of-life in an ethical vacuum are woefully
unprepared.
“Untrained,
unsupported or unqualified teachers are seeking to guide young people in one of
the most consequential, subtle, wonderful, treacherous areas of their lives,” the
Harvard researchers assert. Yet from our department of “education,” we see no
initiatives to remedy this.
Sadly,
it’s no better at home. I have been astonished by my peers’ squeamishness when
it comes to discussing the realities of the sexual culture our young people
navigate. When Peggy Orenstein’s excellent, unflinching book, Girls and Sex, came out last year, I
told everyone I knew to read it … with their daughters. My suggestion was
mostly met with reluctant excuses.
“Ooh,
I know I should but … do I really want to know?” more than a few parents
replied.
Yes,
you do. We remain ignorant at our daughters’ … and sons’ … peril. Among the
more chilling revelations in Orenstein’s book: the prevalence and accessibility
of pornography. An estimated 40 percent of children ages ten to seventeen have
been exposed to internet porn (many accidently) and by the time they reach
college an estimated 90 percent of men and a third of women have viewed porn
online.
What’s
more, Orenstein reports, porn is where many young people go to learn about sex. Not the basic biology
of reproduction or facts about birth control: they turn to porn for the how-to,
for that head scratching moment when someone refers to something they’ve never
heard of.
So,
yes: our young people are turning to a 97-billion dollar industry that
overwhelmingly depicts violent, degrading sex acts against women for
information about sexual relationships. Combine that knowledge (and resultant
expectations) with a booze-fueled hookup culture and you can see where the
statistic that one in five women are sexually assaulted on campus is coming
from.
What
do we do? The previous administration believed withholding federal funds from
colleges and universities that are falling down on the job of punishing rapists
is one solution. The Trump administration appears poised to rescind that policy
as well as increase the standard of proof for victims. But both approaches are
after-the-fact and do nothing to prevent rape.
Colleges,
meanwhile, have beefed up sexual assault prevention programming. It’s a standard
part of freshmen orientation these days, along with campus events about consent
and bystander intervention, and various walks. Slut Walks and Mile-in-her-Shoes
Walks and Race to Zero Walks. These high-visibility shows of support for
victims probably have some benefit.
But
if we’re going to change the culture
of sexuality and consent on campus it’s not enough to walk some walk: we have
to talk the talk. It’s not enough to punish the guilty and support the injured:
we need to address the conditions which are contributing to sexual violence.
We
need to have those awkward, honest conversations with young people sooner
rather than later. Because long before they arrive on campus they are sexually
aware, if not sexually active, beings. And they are hungry to talk about these
things.
Let’s
help them find that space.
Note: This blog is an expanded, revised
version of an opinion piece which ran in the September 10, 2017 Sunday Press
Herald “Maine Voices” section. Click here to access.
Further
note: On my website, click on Wrecked Resources for a list of national and
Maine-based groups who are working hard to further this “awkward conversation”
and help educate young people.
